Wednesday, April 28, 2010

One more week.

In exactly a week I will be leaving California and headed back to the lovely south, which I have missed dearly. It brings such bittersweet emotions! For the most part, I am extremely excited. I have a fun packed summer planned. First a road trip back, including stops in L.A.,  Las Vegas, and the Grand Canyon. I get to see my parents, sisters, and my brother who supposedly is now taller than me and is definitely sounding more "man-ish" on the phone. I'll take a trip to Tampa to see my aunt. I will lounge out by the pool with my friends. I will get to spend quality time with my in-laws, and Andy, Bethany, and their kids. I'll get to actually enjoy a summer with Anistyn before she has to start kindergarten. I'll get house hunt and pick out our home...wherever it will be. I am looking forward to it SO much...all except for that one tiny part that will be missing the whole time. Josh.

 These last 7 or so months in California have been such a growing experience for me. I learned how to be a wife and what it really meant to have someone be my partner. Even if I begin to think about what one man has brought to my life...I start to tear up. I can't begin to describe the things that I have learned..I think the list would go on and on. All I will say is that I found what I thought was nonexistant for me. In every dream I had of the person I wanted...and in every prayer I prayed to God about that man...and in the end, I got him. So now...we have to be apart for a little while. And...well, it just plain stinks.

Someone asked me the other day how I thought I would handle it if Josh got deployed. This isn't a deployment, but since we will be separated I told her I would handle it the same way most military spouse's do. One day at a time. Cry when I need to cry, and then get up and get on with my day. I am so glad that we had these last few months because I know without a doubt that we have an amazing marriage, and this is just a tiny bump to get through. Plenty of people have done it before us, and with all of my activities I am planning to keep me from going crazy...I think it will fly by. Or it better!

Tonight we met up with some of Josh's classmates for a dinner at Red Lobster (which by the way, I still can barely I am still stuffed!) I am amazed by all of them and what they have achieved out here. Thursday is graduation, and after  that is whole lot of packing and moving before my friends get here on Sunday to spend a couple of days with us before we all leave on Tuesday.

In the meantime I am going to savor every last moment with Josh...maybe we can get on each other's nerves enough in the next 6 days that the break won't be as hard!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

This time 5 years ago...

On this date, 5 years ago...I was exactly a month away from becoming a mother. Where did these 5 years go?

I remember exactly how I was back then. I believe it was around this time that I was got "that" point. You know the one...the point where you are completely ready for this baby to be out of your body. Oh, fun times. I had to root around a little bit, but I found a poem that I had written about Anistyn when she was turning one. I thought I would share it with everyone here. Please don't fault me for it...I was only 21 and discovering what motherhood was all about! Looking back at it, I think I had a pretty good grip on it. Its so amazing to think about where we were in our lives back then...and what a difference things are now. One thing is for sure...I don't know where I would be without that blue eyed wonder. She really did save my life...a story in another blog of course.

So, here is the poem. Enjoy!

Poem for Ani

My little girl is turning one...I can't believe how fast the past year with her flew by. It just makes me think about my life before her, my life now, and whats to come. So, you might think this is cheesy, but maybe you'll like it.

I remember the day I found out I was pregnant. I've never been more scared in my whole life. I had no idea what I was going to do. I felt like I had let people down. I couldn't understand why God would give me a child, knowing that I couldn't provide for her like other parents.

I remember my first doctor's appointment. They gave me all these instructions on what to eat, what to feel, what to do, it was so much responsibility. They let me hear the baby's heartbeat. I couldn't believe there was a person growing inside of me.

I remember the first time she kicked. It was Christmas Day 2004. I spent that Christmas alone at my apartment. I was sitting on the couch watching TV, so upset. I didn't know how I would make it through my pregnancy. Then she kicked. And I cried like a baby.

I remember when I found out I was having a little girl. Oh, what a shock that was. I had been scared to have a girl. I didn't think I could handle a Mini Me. I looked up at the screen, and watched her move. My baby. My little girl. I fell in love.

I remember the day she was born. The 2 days of labor I went through were torture. I went into work on a Wednesday night, went into labor Thursday morning. She was born on Saturday morning. As soon as I had her, and saw her little body, that face, those fingers and toes...I was a goner. My life wasn't mine anymore. It was all hers.

This first year has been a huge learning lesson. We've moved, had new people come into our lives, laughed and cried. I've watched her go from a tiny baby into a little girl. It seems like yesterday I was getting frustrated with acid reflux. Now I'm feeding her table food and watching her act like she's talking on the phone.

I pray that she'll have a lot of friends and family to always surround her. I don't ever want her to feel alone. I hope she always knows that she is loved and cared for. I want her to always have someone to call at the middle of the night.

I pray that she'll use her talents to do go things. I don't want her to ever waste them on things of the world. I hope she knows that everything good comes from God, and to use them to please Him.

I pray that she is a good driver. I hope she always looks where she is going and never speeds. I hope she doesn't mess with the radio while talking on a cell phone and driving at the same time.

I pray that she doesn't get her heart broken too many times. I know its bound to happen, because if she is anything like me, she'll love people fully. I hope guys never take adavantage of her, or treat her like anything less than a princess. Because thats what she is...a princess.

I hope she does well in school. I hope she has fun while keeping her grades up. I hope she asks for help when she needs it. I pray that she focuses and cares about her future.

I pray that she doesn't give in to peer pressure. I hope she knows that real friends wouldn't want her to do something she didn't want to. I hope she knows that the choices she makes today affect her tomorrow. I hope she is wise and makes good decisions.

I pray that she succeeds in life. I hope she is happy in life. I hope she used all of the good in her to the best of her abilities. I hope she wakes up every morning, glad to be alive.

I pray that she meets a man one day that shows her real love. I pray that he treats her with kindness and respect. I hope they learn from each other. I hope they grow together. I pray that through hard times they stick together.

I pray that she becomes a mother, so that she can understand what real love is. I pray that she takes time to play with them, and not worry about other things in life. I hope they have movie nights, I hope they share ice cream and take walks together. I pray she tucks them in and reads them stories and makes them feel better when they are sick.

I pray that I am always with her to experience her grow. I pray that she always know that the moment she came into my life, I changed. I want her to know that without her, I am nothing. I hope she knows that when I look in her eyes, and see her smiling at me, God is giving me a little piece of what heaven is really like. I want her to know that I was born to be her mother and on the days when I get so frustrated or dissapointed in her, that it is only because she holds my heart in her hands. I want her to know that nothing she could ever do could make me stop loving her for the simple fact that I am her mother. She is my daughter.

I pray that she doesn't have a million regrets in life. I know that she will make mistakes, but when she does, I hope she picks herself up, dusts herself off, and keeps going. I hope she is proud of herself, like I am.

I pray that she laughs, I pray that she loves. I pray that she lives.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Our first Easter...

We had a fun filled weekend with a lot of activity! On Saturday we met up with my friend Kelly, her husband and their kids. We ate lunch at McDonalds and headed out to find some Easter hunts together. We didn't have too much luck since everyone within an hour's time wanted to go to the same places as with a few treats and a lot of laughs...we all headed home. Sunday afternoon though, we headed back over to their house for a cookout...complete with our own egg hunt. Kelly had invited another military couple over who had a 4 year old little girl too...along with a 7 week old baby. I held the little one and man...I can't believe how fast my little one grew! The kids had a blast together...and the adults did too. Everyone there is from the south and once Josh and I had left we were laughing about how the people we tend to really get along with are all southern people...but hey, nothing beats southern hospitality! Hopefully we'll be able to all hang out again before we leave. I, of course, have picture!

It was raining that afternoon, so we had to hold the egg hunt inside. All of the mommies kept the kids occupied in one room, while the daddies hid the eggs in all of the other rooms. While all the kids were hunting in one of the rooms, my sneaky child snuck off to a room all by herself that was full of eggs...

She ended up getting so many eggs we had to borrow a second basket!

Kelly's son of the funniest little people ever. This little man will keep you laughing constantly!

All of the girls...

And all of the kiddos...its hard to get 4 children to ALL look at the camera at the same time!

Friday, April 2, 2010

Long time, no blog...

Some food for thought...if I was consistent with my blog,  I wouldn't need to constantly do updates, right? Ah well...

Onto some updates...

My little sister was here for an extra week, so she got to stay with us for two weeks which was great for me! Although to make a long story short, I would not recommend ever using a buddy pass! Tia had used a buddy pass to get out here and it was fine...but for obvious reasons Atlanta is one busy airport...and it took a few trips up to the airport, then her getting declined a seat...before my mom just ended up buying her a one way ticket home! But the extra week was fun, even if she had a lot of school to make up.

Now, we only have 5 weeks left in California...5 WEEKS! Where did the time go? We've already been married over 6 months. I guess time flies when you're having fun. I am extremely excited to see all my friends and family...but I get a bittersweet feeling every time I think about it. Unfortunately, I think it brings about little mood swings for myself here and there, but I hear that happens to spouses. Eh, what do you do when you know you're going to be away from your other half for an extended period of time and can't do anything about it? So far my solutions are to be happy for the 5 weeks we have left together...and stay busy while we're apart. We've been doing little family activities over the weekends. Last weekend we took Anistyn to her favorite park here and had a picnic together...and of course playtime. Between Josh and Anistyn, sometimes I don't know who the bigger kid is!

I just love that picture!