Getting ready for the New Year

I know, I know. I haven't posted. But beware...I'm about to make up for it;)

I could kick myself for not writing about the holidays...but you'll just have to take my word for it, they were great. Still not over though as New Year's is fast approaching.

Thanksgiving was spent with my family in Alabama, Christmas was spent traveling...first to Josh's parents, and then a short visit with my sister. I was blessed with another Christmas with my wonderful husband, something that I'm always grateful for being a military wife. I got to chow down on a lot of wonderful food, which this preggo lady appreciated immensely.

But holidays aren't what this blog post is about. This is about the New Year. I am big on resolutions. I love the feel a new year brings. New beginnings, new chances, new starts. I have so many things to look forward to already. Mainly, the new addition to our family coming in July. I absolutely cannot wait to meet the littl person who is making me so sick/tired (no worries...he/she is totally worth it.)

I like to take the time between Christmas and New Year's to start my "reflecting." I really look at myself and what I want to work on. My main goals are constantly to be a better wife and mother. I have 2 people (almost 3) and a precious pup who love me and look to me for different things in different ways. And really...they do so much that pleases me. My daughter is beautiful, a great listener, smart, funny, and sweet as can be. She cleans her rooms with just a little fight sometimes. She doesn't misbehave. And man...does she love her mama.

My husband...oh boy. The most dedicated man I've ever known. I have fallen more in love with him while carrying our baby. He does everything and anything to make me comfortable and feeling better. Definitely not the type of guy to grab a beer and sit in front of the TV as soon as he gets home. He's helpful, involved, loving, funny, and he really really is my best friend. Oh, and he just so happens to be super cute too.

There's my fun-loving Saban. Cute as a button, and my favorite snuggler. He's so protective and I really think he knows that we nursed him back to health. I know, I know...he's just a dog. Go watch Marley and Me and see if you say that afterwards. He's family to me.

Then there's the little one growing in me. He/She is working hard to grow. How can you not be instantly attached.

These people bring me so much in my life. So its my duty to be the best I can be for them. They only have one wife/mommy. Which brings me to my New Year's Resolution.

This year...I want to be better.

I want to do everything I can to be better at my job. Not that I don't do a good job...I think I do. But there is always room to grow. I do feel sluggish lately, and a lot of that has to do with the baby. But, its also very easy to get lazy when you're home alone all day long. Its easy to stay in your pajamas in front of the TV. NOT that I'm a bum. I can attribute this behavior the past couple of months to the fact that at times...I feel like if I do move...I'll have to head straight to the toilet.

But, this is where I am going to do my best to take charge of my body again. That means getting better about what I eat, when I sleep, and what I do with all the extra time I have. Instead of taking a nap, its time to start getting out. Joining army wife groups around here. Form my life here in Augusta. Start couponing. Exercising. Cooking better. These are on my list.

I have been going over everything the last few days and am really excited about my venture. I know its not a huge goal. I won't be bungee jumping or sky diving. No conquering my fear of flying just yet. Oh gee...I hate that that one has to wait;)  But I will be doing everthing I can to make myself better for the people that are their absolute best for me. I'm excited about using my blog to chronicle everything as I go along...and I really hope people enjoy following it!

Weekend fun...

Our little family has been pretty busy lately. This was Josh's first weekend back working...although basically its just a ton of in processing.

Last Saturday though, we took a family day since it was my birthday. Since we don't have any family pictures done at all...and really haven't taken a lot since our wedding...it was the perfect opportunity to go and get some done!

Anistyn was hilarious through the whole thing...striking a pose before the photographer could even ask her to. I think we have a little model on our hands! We got some amazing shots of her...as well as all of us! The girl that took the photos already put them up on facebook, so I thought I would go ahead and share some.

                                          
                                                            This one is my favorite!!

                                              
                                                 I can't get enough of those eyes!

We went to this really cool place to take the photos. Its called the Savannah Rapids Pavillion. Just a little outdoor family place...with a playground, running trails that run all the way to downtown Augusta, and the Savannah river runs through there. So, after the shoot, we went down by the river where Josh tried to teach Anistyn to skip rocks. I got in on the fun too. Yesterday my arm was sore from all the throwing...I'm such a wimp! We did have a competition to see who could make a rock skip multiple times...and I have to give that award to Josh.

Afterwards we got to come home and after dinner we ate some birthday cake that Josh made for me. Great birthday with my favorite people!

Baby blog...

Thats right...I'll be keeping track of my pregnancy in a baby blog! You can keep track of it as well HERE!

BIG news!

Now, what could possibly be so important that I just HAD to write a whole other blog post for? It would have to be something exciting. Something amazing. Well...yes and yes. Here it is...

WE'RE PREGNANT!!!

It was VERY soon and although we figured it would happen soon...I was not expecting it NOW!

Last Wednesday I was on the phone with a friend and we were gabbing about all that girly ovulation stuff. She told me to just go ahead and take a test...I laughed and said "No way!" After a little more bugging though...I caved! I went ahead and took a test...and was I surprised!

The test had a faint...but visible second line! My camera is not wanting to work...but I googled it and found a picture of what it looked like!

It looked just like this...where you can barely see it...but its there! I was shaking and kept asking myself "Is it?? Is it??!!! Naturally, my next notion was to tell Josh. I wanted to tell him in a cute way...but come on. I have a big mouth! And with him being on leave...he was quick to keep asking "Hey...what are you doing??"

So I finally went up and said "I need to show you something...." and whipped out the test. He was shocked too, but we had a great moment of being shocked and laughing together...because the hugs and kisses came!

I immediately wanted to go to the store to get a digital test, so we did. But when I came home and took it, it said I wasn't pregnant. So I was very confused and unsure. I'm not very good at waiting...so I went ahead and marched up to the family clinic where I got a blood test done. I mean...I HAD to know! They took my bloodwork and told me they would call in two hours for the results. Those were VERY long hours! I kept watching the clock and was getting ready to call them, when they finally called announcing that I WAS pregnant! So once again...Josh and I had another round of excited hugs!

I have to go to the doctor on Tuesday to get my prenatal vitamins and talk about the pregnancy. I am so excited for all of this. So far, I feel great! I don't feel pregnant at all, aside from one nap I've had to have. I've been googling and if my calculations are right...I'm 5 weeks pregnant. And yes...Josh has only been home for 3 weeks, but did you know they start counting pregnancy from the date of your last period? Weird...I don't remember that! But hey...I'll take the extra weeks!

While waiting on the next blog...I figured I would answer these questions that my sister in law sent me from her blog! 

1.) What is your favorite childhood memory? It would definitely have to be my summers spent at my Papa Joe's and Mama Barbara's. Luckily, Fort Gordon is not far at all from their house so I still get to go there a reminisce. Although my Papa Joe is now gone...it will always be a place I treasure.

 2.) If you could have any job, what would it be, and why? Don't laugh...but I would absolutely love to be a broadway star. Hey, it said ANY, right?

 3.) What is your favorite sport? Football!!! Roll tide!!

 4.) Have you ever done something "dangerous" - and how do you define that? Hmm...I would say....yes. But, alas, nothing exciting and often dumb.

 5.) What is your favorite holiday? Christmas! Although it sure has come early this year it seems!

 6.) When is your average bedtime? Oh it just depends. Right now its almost midnight...and Josh and I are both up playing on our computers...

 7.) What is your favorite song (right now)? Oh...I couldn't pick just one!

 8.) In one word, describe yourself. Wow...just one, huh? I really like Bethany's answer. "Real". Although...I won't steal it! I'll say "Blunt"...haha.

New beginnings....

Oh, we've been such busy people this past month and I have LOTS to update everyone on!

So...once again, I will start from the beginning, and I will also have to split this into two separate blogs!

Josh FINALLY came home on Friday, October 22nd! My grandmother took Anistyn for the weekend so we that we could have some time to ourselves! I was so extremely excited to see him! I took that whole day to clean and primp myself. Hey, we might be married...but you STILL wanna look good for your man, right? 

We spent Saturday furniture shopping and looking at things to decorate our house with eventually. We even wandered into Petsmart because we had been thinking of getting a dog...which we DID!

The next week, Josh brough a puppy home for us, which he had gotten from a friend in Rome. We named him Saban...perfect name for this Alabama fan! However, the next day...Saban got really sick. He wouldn't touch food...or water. He looked like he could go at any moment. We took him to the Pet ER, where it was announced  that he had parvo. For those of you who don't know what parvo is, its basically a disease that eats away at the organs and intestines and can easily kill an animal. Its prevented with their routine shots...but Saban had not had his. We had already made him an appointment for Monday...but he already had it.

The doctor told us that they could admit Saban for....1200 dollars for the FIRST night...then 400 dollars per day after that...and he would need to be there for a minimum of 5 days! Josh and I just looked at each other with these "uuuhhh..." looks. Finally, I asked the vet if there was a plan b! Thankfully there was. We could take Saban and all of his medication home and administer them ourselves. It would still mean only a 50/50 chance...but he would have had that in the hospital as well.

So for the next week, we had to give Saban an IV 2 times a day, along with other shots. For an animal lover...it was so sad to have to do this to the poor baby. Once you stuck him with the IV, you had to let it drain into his system, which caused his shoulders to swell with the fluid. Once it was done, there were two or three other shots to give him, plus oral medicine. He was a fighter though and he made it through! He is now one happy, healthy puppy...and an instant part of our family!

We've enjoyed having Josh home and getting back into our family routine. He's been on leave, so its been great to have him actually be able to relax....as much as he can! He's such a hard worker, and after not getting much of a break these past 2 years, it took him awhile to actually be ABLE to relax! But, thats just something I love about him. Definitely not a slacker! And hey...our house is coming together thanks to him!

We're getting ready for the holidays and excited to spend time with our families! Now...read on to the next blog post for more news!

A little of this, a little of that.

Well, these have just been a couple of busy busy weeks! We are doing a pretty good job of settling into our new home...and loving it! After a few mishaps, our things from California FINALLY came yesterday!! Woohoo! There's only one thing thats different this time...I have to unpack by myself...haha! Today was busy since I've been sick and been needing to deal with that over the unpacking...so tomorrow will be my first full fledged day of getting everything in order! So...this is what it looks like as of now:

Yikes! And that is just the living/dining room! It does look like things have been ripped out of boxes...and that's because, well, they have. The movers were supposed to be here around 2 and silly me thought they actually would be! I know, what was this silly military wife thinking?? So, they arrived instead at 6. My grandmother thankfully was there to help with Anistyn while I helped the movers. Once the movers left, she had dinner ready for us. Problem...no silverware! I had had plastic silverware that I kept washing, but since I figured I would have had plenty of things unpacked by dinnertime, I threw them away! So...I had to go on a hunt for silverware. Only, I STILL couldn't find them...so I had to ask our nice neighbor for some to borrow! I finally found the silverware today...in a duffel bad, buried in a box! 

Thankfully, the unpacking messes do not overwhelm me, and I really don't mind doing it all. There's something about knowing that Josh will be home soon...and wanting to get our house in order for him...I just love that! Of course, while unpacking, I have realized that there are two people in this house who have an abundance of knick knacks...and neither of them are me! Haha.


This week at Anistyn's school they are promoting reading, so they have had a theme each day. Monday was "Hats off to reading" so everyone got to wear a hat.    Tuesdays theme was "Team up to read" so the kids got to dress in their favorite jerseys. Wednesday was "Reading in never tacky" so the kids wore....tacky clothes! This was Anistyn's selection for tacky day.

It is a little tacky...but I think she still just looks cute!


We can "officially" start a countdown on Josh coming home! I didn't want to do a countdown before because it was far off and I wanted to make it go by as fast as possible! But now that its only a month away...I think I can make it that far! Josh has been doing great in his class and I am so proud of him for getting soldier of the month!! He worked so hard at it! 


Everything seems to falling into place perfectly. I've been going through all the boxes of things that have been stored up for months. Getting out our pictures, his clothes, different things...the timing couldn't be better. As I'm putting away this or that...I feel like I'm making the way for our family to be back together again. And I sure will be glad to see him in person instead of like this!

Lovely skype photos!

A year already...

Has it really already been a year?

I went back down memory lane for a bit just looking at our wedding pictures. I couldn't help but remember exactly how I felt then and smile. The butterflies, the excitement, the wonder of what was to come. And so madly in love with this man. A year later...and I still feel that way. 

Now...I know, I know...a year isn't a lifetime. But to me, its a milestone. The first year is a growing year. Its the year when you start learning to live with your spouse...even if you really only got to live with them for 7 months out of that year. You learn if he drinks milk out of the carton and grosses you out (he doesn't!). You learn who the "ocd" cleaner is (neither...haha). You learn that she likes it when you make coffee first thing in the morning (he caught on quick:)) You also learn that neither of you are morning people. Whether its learning something that is deep and secretive, or just learning what kind of toothpaste you both like....its learning. Learning how to share your life with the person who will be your partner throughout your life. THAT makes it a milestone.

Today of course...we are not able to celebrate together. Josh is still training in Texas while I'm here in Augusta. I had strict instructions to NOT leave the house though. Of course, this on the day when Anistyn had early release from school! That afternoon though, the doorbell rang and the nice FedEx lady handed me these...in a box of course.

 
I just adore him. If all of our other year together are anything like this first one...I'll be one happy old lady one day. Bumps will come. Disagreements will occur. Sometimes, we won't see eye to eye on everything. We're human...and we're two different people. But I believe this first year...this learning year...was a great way to start things off on the right track. 

As for Josh...there are no words to describe what he is to me. I simply adore him. As a husband, a father, as a man. I believe in him and respect him. He's my very best friend....and I can't wait to see what the future brings for us and our family!

Heart tugs

I have been a mother for over 5 years now. I know just a little bit about parenting. Not a ton, and there are many mothers who know plenty more than me. But I would like to think I know just a little. I know the ups and downs of parenting...at least for the first 5 years anyways. The years to come are things that, no matter how many books you read or people you talk to, you just have to take one day at a time and learn the best way you can.

I do know that every single day you spend with your child, there is something to learn. I also know that every parent and child gets into a routine of sorts. Anistyn and I definitely have our way of doing things that works for us. We're not rookies at this little team we have going on. I know that there are plenty of things I do for her that I just....do. I help her brush her teeth. I pick out her clothes. I drive her to school. I make her dinner. I "yes" her and "no" her and scold her and hug her. I get upset with her, I laugh with her. Its all just a part of the parenting cycle.

We always have the "mandatory" parenting duties. The cooking, the cleaning, the bathing, the scolding, the teaching. Round and round we go as we try to mold these little minds into decent human beings. Many times I lay down at night completely exhausted from my efforts with that little girl. But there are some times...some little moments during any various activity...or no activity at all....that just pull at your heart strings. Little moments that make you almost cry as you think to yourself "Man...they are so worth it." 

I see it during different times myself. First thing in the morning, Anistyn wakes up...first very sleepy and unsure for the first few moments of "waking up." Then her eyes gain their composure and focus in on me...and she smiles. That "Oh...there's mommy" smile. Melts my heart every single time. I get my heart strings pulled again when she accomplishes something. Completing her homework for instance and seeing the different ways she is growing. 

Today...I had my heart strings pulled big time. I don't think it was exactly a "pull" either...more like a giant tug. I cherished the moment...so proud. The pride that I felt for that tiny little girl...oh, that would make a grown man cry. 

Today was the Freedom Walk at her school. I mentioned it in the blog I posted yesterday. The school was having it to commemorate all the lives lost, as well as all of the heroes that were involved in 9/11. Now there are many times where dealing with military things can be a little frustrating. The waiting. The paperwork. The lack of knowing. The paperwork. Missing your spouse. The paperwork. I think you understand what my biggest frustration is...haha. But events like today...that's when you can take a step back and say "Wow...its worth it." 

At the event, they had someone from the Navy, Army, Air Force, and Marines. They all marched to flag pole where they hung the flag together. Once the flag was hung, MY little girl, along with 3 other children all gathered in front of the large crowd, and led us in the pledge of allegiance. I was just so very very proud of her! I was able to record it...so I hope the video works on here!

What might seem silly to some...oh, it was a huge ordeal in our house! Sometimes, for really special occasions, I will braid Anistyn's hair the night before, all of it...in little braids. Just like my mom used to do when I was little. You do this on wet hair and let her sleep on it,and the next morning it is beautiful and wavy! A definite must for any little princess.


After the pledge, we sang the National Anthem together, then a couple of kids read some speeches about 9/11. It still makes me cry. Then the principal spoke and the first thing she said was "I sure am proud to be an American!" Oh, the cheers and praise that came. So great to be at a military post school and hear all the military families applauding. Then, a moment of silence around the whole base. While we were all quiet, the military police had sirens going off...not just outside the school, but there were sirens going off all around the base. Then came the walk, where we all walked around the whole school waving flags. I was really happy to be a part of it.

                       Here she is all ready to get to school. Wavy hair, and red, white, and blue!

 Waiting to say the Pledge. I mean, I know I'm biased when it comes to her...but really...is she cute or WHAT!

     
                                                                 Putting the flag up

  
                                                    Hanging the flag at half mast.

             
                                               Getting ready to walk around the school!

                                                    Love that little walk...such a little diva!

Some of the military police...keeping us in line...haha.

I love that Anistyn was a part of this. I love being a major part of her life. So often though, its easy to get caught up in day to day life. Doing the things that you just do...because you have to. Little moments like these though...gosh, they are just so worth it. Nothing for you. Nothing selfish. Its nothing you can hold, like money, or a car. Its just a simple tug. That lets you know...you are doing the right thing...being that child's parent. Because seeing them shine...it just doesn't get any better than that.

New house!

Every night this week I've curled up in bed with my laptop and said "I need to update my blog about my our new house!" Then, after that thought I remember that I yet again, forgot to take pictures...until now! 


Friday morning I met with the leasing agent and signed away on our townhouse and so far...I love it! Sure...there's no furniture...but hey, whose complaining. After 4 months of being somewhat of a gypsy...not this girl! I popped out the obligatory air mattress which I am beginning to see is in every military wife's possession. I have actually kept mine stored in our car this whole time. Hey, you never know! 

My awesome in-laws came on Saturday to bring us our washer/dryer...and set us up with some things that will help us until all of our things get here. What would I do without them? Not have clean clothes...that's for sure! My mother-in-law and I put together the table that is now in my breakfast nook while my father-in-law set up the washer and dryer for me. I am sooo very grateful for them! 


Now...onto the pictures!


Here is the outside of the townhouse.

                                      My table for our little breakfast nook that I just adore!

                                              
                                                                        The kitchen

        

                        This is the dining room and living room...or it can just be one huge room.

                                                    
                                                I think you can guess whose room this is....

                                                        And....mine and Josh's room!

                 
            I have a lot more pictures of the place on my facebook, I just didn't want to post ALL of them on here! Our things should get here on or before the 19th...so its looking pretty bare for now. We'll still need to get some living room furniture and eventually some dining room furniture too. I think I might just wait until Josh gets here for all of that though. We've looked at a few things online, but I think I might just wait so we can go shopping for it together.


I love it though...and am pleasantly surprised, given all the horror stories you hear about living on post! I have great neighbors, and its really peaceful at night. You don't hear a thing, and you would think you would with so many people around you. Maybe its the fear of the mp's? Or its probably because everyone's days start so early around here!


Tomorrow is a big day for Anistyn. We are doing a Freedom Walk at her school in the morning to commemorate all the lives that were lost in 9/11. There will be a moment of silence, as well as some speeches. AND Anistyn was picked to say the Pledge of Allegiance in front of everyone with another classmate! I don't know if its just the two of them, or a group...but she's so excited! We have been practicing for the past two days! I am going to try to record it on my camera so that I can hopefully post it!

I am feeling quite proud of myself right now for organizing a major part of my life...paperwork.

This past week I have ran all over the place getting things settled. Monday it was transportation who had me in a frenzy. I left them with a headache and an appointment for Friday. Tuesday it Tricare who had more paperwork for me and didn't want to have anything to do with my daughter until it was complete. Wednesday and Thursday  were spent trying to get through all the paperwork for after school care for Anistyn once I get a job. JUST after school care and I had a tough time with it. Friday was my appointment with transportation and the daycare...and I STILL have an orientation and things to tie up loose ends. 

I have been traveling all around base with a poor, overused binder full of all of the necessary paperwork that these lovely people use. Everything they could possibly want from me. Birth certificates, LES, DEERS, ERB, marriage certificates...you name it...I got it. And slowly...this binder has been getting fuller and fuller. When someone asks for something....I dig and dig, until the right piece of paper is there. Tonight...it all changed.

Here is my before work...as I took everything out of the binder and tried to get it situated. Yes...it IS a lot!

And how would one organize such a mess as this? Well....like this:

Voila! Every single piece of paper that I need is neatly organized is my little file folder that I can carry with me everywhere! Maybe this would not seem like a huge accomplishment for a normal person...but for this UNorganized military wife right here...I was very proud of myself!

No more digging through that poor folder for me!

Milestones

This weekend was a relaxing one for me and my little schooler. We spent some time with our friends Nikki and Kaytlin...and got to know some of our other neighbors. Yes...I said neighbors! Not officially..but in 11 days they will be! But...whose counting?


Saturday evening was spent outside having a mini block party outside. All of us adults chatted and got to know each other while the little ones rode bikes, roller skated, drew with chalk...that sort of thing.

In the midst of it though, my little one made quite the accomplishment. One that might not be major to any other person...but in my mommy eyes it was definitely enough to run inside and snatch the camera.

Anistyn wanted to attempt to roller skate on her own! We've been to the skating rink, but she's always had mommy's hand to guide her. This time though, she was bound and determined to do it herself.

At first, she was pretty nervous. I gave her intructions on how to move her legs, even showed her as much as I could with having no skates on myself. Then, we took off, while I was holding onto both of her hands. A little while later when she was comfortable, we were down to one hand. Then, before you knew it, she was on her own with mommy following close behind in case she almost fell.

So much like actual parenting isn't it? You give your child verbal instructions on what to do...you even show them with your own actions. Then, when they're ready to take off on their own, you help them take those baby steps toward the right direction. You hold on with both hands. When they're a little more comfortable, you hold on with just one hand. After that, when they're strong enough to conquer it themselves...you let go and watch them as they blossom. All that help, all that instruction, the time that you took to invest into teaching them...and you get to sit back and watch them take what they've learned and use it all on their own. You stand closely behind them, observing...should they ever fall. And if they do fall...you catch them. Dust them off, give another encouraging pep talk and maybe a few more pointers, and send them off to try again.

One of the proudest moments a parent can have is working hard towards a goal with their child...and then seeing their child reach that goal. Whether its life...or roller skating.

This parenting gig...there really is nothing better, is there?

School pictures...

Now that I CAN....I wanted to post pictures of Anistyn's open house...and her first day of school!
   
                                         Anistyn and Mama Barbara waiting to go see who her teacher is!

                                  

                                                                   Anistyn at her table!

          
                                         The obligatory picture by the front door the first morning of school!!

                                                             Outside of Ani's classroom!!

                                                    Anistyn and her teacher, Ms. Frazier!

                                                       Can you tell I didn't want to leave??

                                                                  My big kindergartener!!

Kindergarten!

Well, bath time came and went. Phone calls to people wishing her a good day tomorrow. We layed out her outfit for tomorrow (a dress from Grammy and Poppy). We said our prayers together. I tucked her in, kissed her and left my eager child to squirm in bed....not wanting to sleep because of so much excitement.

Her first day of kindergarten is tomorrow!!!

Oh, someone please tell me where the time goes. Where is this little girl?

As much as I miss those days...I equally look forward to her future.

In case you didn't notice...I adore this little girl. I love her with every fiber of my being. Watching her grow into the beautiful little girl she is now has been the most rewarding experience. She leaves me in awe sometimes...with her quick mind and attention to detail. I absolutely cannot wait to see her little mind grow and be a witness to all that is possible for her.

I will be sure to post pictures and update on her first day of kindergarten! I know she will do wonderful...and thankully I will have my grandmother there to distract me! I know mommy will shed some tears...not only because of the separation, but for all of the good things that I wish for her.

Job

I have mucho mucho to blog about....and it will all come very soon. Here lately, I have been at such peace about everything and am finally getting settled enough now that I can finally start blogging the way I used to!

Due to housing/moving/school, I am staying with grandmother who lives about 45 minutes away from base so that I can get Anistyn to school (yes...thats about 2 blogs right there....). With no driving state to state, people to entertain, no TV (gasp...its great!) and finally a LOT of down time...I did something the other day that I had been wanting to do for a long time. I hadn't had the time lately...what a dumb excuse. I read the bible.

There have been many things over the last few months that have just put me in different "funks" as I call them. Not having Josh around. Wanting to find a job. Wanting to find a house. Waiting. Hurrying up...and then waiting. Getting bad news after bad news. Josh having to stay in TX longer. Just a list of things...

So when I picked up the bible I said to myself (and God..) 'I'm just going to open it up. I hope whatever I start reading is something that will just hit me.'

I flipped it open and there sat the book of Job. What a story. I've read it before...but I REALLY read it this time.

Here's a guy who has everything he could want. Animals, children, happiness, money...and who does he thank for it? God. Always thankful to God. Its easy to be thankful to Him when things are great though, isn't it? So...Satan comes along and mentions this to God. So He "tests" Job. He takes away his children, his animals...everything he loves so dearly. But Job STILL is thankful and loving to God. So when that doesn't do the trick...he becomes sick. Sores all over him. There is Job...in severe pain. His children have died. All of his animals are gone. But he DOESN'T curse God. Even his wife asks him..."Why haven't you cursed Him yet?" Look at all of these terrible things that have happened? Surely God wouldn't let these things happen if he really loved someone, right? But Job refused to curse God. Because who was Job..a mere man, to question what God's motives or plans are? Then at the end...because he didn't turn away from God...he ends up with TWICE as much as he had before.

That made me think. With this military life I am slowly adapting to, a lot of things don't go my way. Heck, in LIFE things don't always go my way. There are things I don't understand. Different things in my life that have happened...and I just don't know why they had to happen that way. But you know what...I'm not the one with the answers. Someone always has it worse than you anyways. But never....never...will I blame God. There IS a reason for everything...we as humans sometimes think we need all the answers. Only He can know though.

I do give thanks to Him when things are going great. Its important though that when things aren't going the way I want them to...or terrible things happen that I just don't understand..that I continue to praise Him. Because only He knows the outcome of it all.

So what do I do? I put all my trust and faith in Him. I "give it to God." It gives me peace to know that He knows why everything happens. Maybe he testing me. If it IS him testing me...I plan to do my very best to pass.

My Funk.

I'm supposed to be having a fun filled summer right now. And I am...for the most part. These past few days though, I have just been exhausted...and pretty much the most emotional that I have ever been since this whole experience started. Lately, I've just been feeling numb. I know  it will pass...and my happy, cheery self will be back. Then I will scold myself for even giving in briefly to my slight pit party. But right now...thats where I want to be. I am in the midst of a pity part. A selfish one. But then again...is it selfish to just wish he were here? I don't think so.

Josh came for his  R&R...and after a brief mishap, we had a great time together. I told him on the way to the airport the other morning, there's only one bad thing about these short times that I get to see him. See, the last couple of months...I've gotten pretty used to being on my own. Heck, I was alone and a single mother for 4 years. So, of course I can do it. I get used to going about my daily routine, always wishing he were there of course, but able to get by. Taking care of Anistyn. Packing our bags by myself (which at this point...I can do in less than 5 minutes, mind you). Falling asleep alone. Then he comes...and for that brief time...my life is perfect. He's there to help me pack. He pumps my gas. He makes me my coffee and he knows just how I like it made. He even brings it to me in bed. He's there next to me in bed. My constant partner...there to swap funny stories with before we doze off next to each other. And then, before you know it...he has to leave again. And I have to readjust all over again. And I miss him even more.

I can't even explain how I am feeling. Maybe its our brief visit. Maybe its the fact that I am so ready to be in our own home. Maybe, its because I have made friends with an amazing group of girls online who are all going through the exact same thing...being military wives. Maybe its swapping stories, and living each moment with each other that has opened my eyes even more to this world. This rewarding, proud, and honorable world...that sometimes leaves me feeling alone, and sad. Maybe its a recent turn of event in which some people have just left me speechless with no regard to my feelings. And maybe...I'm just being a brat. Which, my mother would say...is probably it;)

Nonetheless....this is the world I chose when I got married. I knew  it wouldn't be easy. Thankfully, I have amazing people to turn to. People who understand, because they've been there too. On top of wonderful friends and family to help me through this time.

This  isn't a deployment...and when one comes, I'll do the same thing I've done with this. Go through my days like I normally would, and cry when I need to. Which I haven't really cried, until the other day when I chose to resort to the really unflattering crying fit. You know the one...stuff all over your face...barely able to breathe. I finally just let it all out. And then I picked myself up, cleaned up, and tucked my little girl into bed as if everything were perfect. Because thats what I do.

Marrying him was easy. Loving him is  like breathing to me. Its the most natural feeling in the world...as if I've always done it. He makes it so very easy. Its the other things that complicate life...but loving him, well, thats a piece of cake. And thats what makes itall so very worth it to me. Because soon enough, he will be with me again.

Summer fun...

Ah...blogland...how I've missed you. I've been away due to much moving around...and not having a consistent computer with me. That is all changed now...thanks to one of my best friends, Shannon. She had an extra labtop that she wasn't using...and has let me borrow it until Josh is back and I can claim his again...haha. So now...I am at my in-laws and so excited that I get internet in the downstairs apartment!

We've still been on the move...which is fun, but tiresome. We went to my friend Michelle's, then back to Birmingham to see my family. Then back to Rome where my in-laws took me and Anistyn to the cabin last weekend and we all took Anistyn to Babyland! It was great...I have the best memories visiting there as a child...and now I took mine. I love doing things with Anistyn that I did as a kid...and seeing them from an adult perspective, while seeing them through her eyes at the same time.

For those who don't know, we have been stationed at Fort Gordon in Augusta, Ga. We took a road trip over there a few weeks ago and were put on the waiting list for housing on post. We went there to look on and off post...but were sold with living on post. The community seems great, everyone was so unbelievably nice, and Anistyn will be going to an amazing school on post. I am so excited to get there and get settled in OUR home!

In the meantime, I am counting down the days til my love gets here! We're in the single digits now! I find it odd that time has seemed to go by pretty fast...up until now! We get to spend two days all to ourselves and I just can't wait to see my best friend again.

After that, its crunch time to get ready to head to Augusta in August. We have to be there for Ani to start school. I took her to the doctor last Monday where she had 3 shots...she was such a trooper. I took her to McDonalds to make up for it...even though she did great! She is in the clear to start kindergarten...which is worth a whole blog in itself. When, oh when, did my little girl grow up?

After the doctor's appointment Monday, I officially became Tara Marie Freeman...with a long overdue trip to the social security office. Today I helped my MIL refurbish a dresser for Josh and me. I sanded down 3 layers of paint...but was very proud of myself! Then I got to hop on their riding lawn mower and go for a little spin all while cutting grass. All in all, its been a great week thus far.

I believe I will end my rant here...but I will be putting up pictures soon!

Home Sweet Home??

The problem with not blogging after one exciting adventure, is that after that, something else exciting happens that you should blog about. But you don't, therefore a lot of eventful things happened, and you stare at your blank blog screen wondering where to start. So...where to start...

I've been back "home" for about 3 weeks now. It started with a road trip to L.A., then Las Vegas, then passing through the Hoover Dam, to get to the Grand Canyon. Then to Texas to eat the most amazing steak ever. A breakdown followed that about an hour outside of Oklahoma City. We got repaired, and then made the rest of the trip to Georgia. I stopped in Alabama for the week and spent it with my parents and little brother and sister. Then I went to my friend Michelle's where we met up with some our old friends for a "girls night out." We laughed, reminisced, and had a great time. Then me and my little sidekick went to her dad and stepmom's wedding. From there I went to my older sister's house where I sit now. Believe me, I have plenty of pictures to show, and I WILL get to them...just not right this second.

I've been busy loving on everyone that I have missed. I've stayed busy catching up on everyone's lives. We celebrated Anistyn's 5th birthday, I watching my brother and sister in their choir concerts. I watched my nephew play a baseball game and graduate kindergarten. I've spent this week watching my 1 year old niece Finley who I have missed. Basically...I've kept myself busy.

But at night, when I am exhausted from my busy days, I get into bed and just can't sleep. There's this empty space next to me. That person that hogs the covers, and kicks me in his sleep. The person that brings me coffee when I wake up in the morning...and he knows just how I like my coffee.

Of course, since he is still in the country, we get to talk pretty regularly, depending on our schedules. I still hear from him everyday, and everyday I look forward to it.

I am so fortunate to be able to be here with my family while he's gone. I think I would surely be going crazy without them. I've revisited places that were home to me before I got married. But...8 months ago, home became wherever Josh and I are together. Alabama and Georgia will always be my first home. My family and friends are here. Josh's family and friends are here. Our "roots" will always be in these places. But "home" is wherever we are together. So, although I adore where I am now, I won't be "home" until him, me, and Anistyn are together again. Which by the way, is taking a really long time to figure out!

Next week I'll head to Rome to stay with my in-laws and I'm sure we'll have plenty to do! I'm also trying to NOT count down the days until July 2nd...when Josh comes for a 4 day weekend!

I am staying true to my "cry when I need to cry...then get on with my day" routine. Its been working for me thus far. I am not depressed, nor do I mope around everywhere with tissue. I have fun. I enjoy everyone one I am with. I just can't wait to see him. I'd say I'm doing pretty good so far!

The road trip begins...

These past few days have been so busy for us! Josh's graduation was Thursday, then Friday morning we began our packing/cleaning process which lasted until 2am Sunday morning! We have been sleep deprived and coffee driven, but we got through it all...and surprisingly got along doing it!

We picked up one of my best friends Michelle and her husband from airport on Sunday and headed straight to San Francisco for a couple of days. Michelle brought her labtop and has wireless internet so we're able to get on the internet while on the road...which is what I'm doing now...how "nifty"! It will definitely made some of the long journeys go by a little faster.

San Fran was great...I was glad we were able to go there before we had left Cali. Definitely one of the best cities that I have ever visited...not that I've been to tons. I have many pictures of course but most are on facebook. Here are a couple of great ones though...

There are many many more on facebook, but those were just some of my favorites.

For now we are on the first leg of our road trip back. We are headed to Los Angeles right now to do a little bit of sight seeing, and then we'll drive straight to Las Vegas for the night.

The hardest part was leaving Josh earlier today. He did such a great job of making sure Ani and I were all set. It was hard walking out of our empty apartment. It will always be the first place we lived in...its where we molded our little family and experienced our first months as a married couple. I'll always remember it.

I'll try to update as we go along, but if I'm not able to...SWEET HOME ALABAMA here I come!!!

One more week.

In exactly a week I will be leaving California and headed back to the lovely south, which I have missed dearly. It brings such bittersweet emotions! For the most part, I am extremely excited. I have a fun packed summer planned. First a road trip back, including stops in L.A.,  Las Vegas, and the Grand Canyon. I get to see my parents, sisters, and my brother who supposedly is now taller than me and is definitely sounding more "man-ish" on the phone. I'll take a trip to Tampa to see my aunt. I will lounge out by the pool with my friends. I will get to spend quality time with my in-laws, and Andy, Bethany, and their kids. I'll get to actually enjoy a summer with Anistyn before she has to start kindergarten. I'll get house hunt and pick out our home...wherever it will be. I am looking forward to it SO much...all except for that one tiny part that will be missing the whole time. Josh.

 These last 7 or so months in California have been such a growing experience for me. I learned how to be a wife and what it really meant to have someone be my partner. Even if I begin to think about what one man has brought to my life...I start to tear up. I can't begin to describe the things that I have learned..I think the list would go on and on. All I will say is that I found what I thought was nonexistant for me. In every dream I had of the person I wanted...and in every prayer I prayed to God about that man...and in the end, I got him. So now...we have to be apart for a little while. And...well, it just plain stinks.

Someone asked me the other day how I thought I would handle it if Josh got deployed. This isn't a deployment, but since we will be separated I told her I would handle it the same way most military spouse's do. One day at a time. Cry when I need to cry, and then get up and get on with my day. I am so glad that we had these last few months because I know without a doubt that we have an amazing marriage, and this is just a tiny bump to get through. Plenty of people have done it before us, and with all of my activities I am planning to keep me from going crazy...I think it will fly by. Or it better!

Tonight we met up with some of Josh's classmates for a dinner at Red Lobster (which by the way, I still can barely move...as I am still stuffed!) I am amazed by all of them and what they have achieved out here. Thursday is graduation, and after  that is whole lot of packing and moving before my friends get here on Sunday to spend a couple of days with us before we all leave on Tuesday.

In the meantime I am going to savor every last moment with Josh...maybe we can get on each other's nerves enough in the next 6 days that the break won't be as hard!

This time 5 years ago...

On this date, 5 years ago...I was exactly a month away from becoming a mother. Where did these 5 years go?

I remember exactly how I was back then. I believe it was around this time that I was got "that" point. You know the one...the point where you are completely ready for this baby to be out of your body. Oh, fun times. I had to root around a little bit, but I found a poem that I had written about Anistyn when she was turning one. I thought I would share it with everyone here. Please don't fault me for it...I was only 21 and discovering what motherhood was all about! Looking back at it, I think I had a pretty good grip on it. Its so amazing to think about where we were in our lives back then...and what a difference things are now. One thing is for sure...I don't know where I would be without that blue eyed wonder. She really did save my life...a story in another blog of course.

So, here is the poem. Enjoy!


Poem for Ani

My little girl is turning one...I can't believe how fast the past year with her flew by. It just makes me think about my life before her, my life now, and whats to come. So, you might think this is cheesy, but maybe you'll like it.




I remember the day I found out I was pregnant. I've never been more scared in my whole life. I had no idea what I was going to do. I felt like I had let people down. I couldn't understand why God would give me a child, knowing that I couldn't provide for her like other parents.


I remember my first doctor's appointment. They gave me all these instructions on what to eat, what to feel, what to do, it was so much responsibility. They let me hear the baby's heartbeat. I couldn't believe there was a person growing inside of me.


I remember the first time she kicked. It was Christmas Day 2004. I spent that Christmas alone at my apartment. I was sitting on the couch watching TV, so upset. I didn't know how I would make it through my pregnancy. Then she kicked. And I cried like a baby.


I remember when I found out I was having a little girl. Oh, what a shock that was. I had been scared to have a girl. I didn't think I could handle a Mini Me. I looked up at the screen, and watched her move. My baby. My little girl. I fell in love.


I remember the day she was born. The 2 days of labor I went through were torture. I went into work on a Wednesday night, went into labor Thursday morning. She was born on Saturday morning. As soon as I had her, and saw her little body, that face, those fingers and toes...I was a goner. My life wasn't mine anymore. It was all hers.


This first year has been a huge learning lesson. We've moved, had new people come into our lives, laughed and cried. I've watched her go from a tiny baby into a little girl. It seems like yesterday I was getting frustrated with acid reflux. Now I'm feeding her table food and watching her act like she's talking on the phone.


I pray that she'll have a lot of friends and family to always surround her. I don't ever want her to feel alone. I hope she always knows that she is loved and cared for. I want her to always have someone to call at the middle of the night.


I pray that she'll use her talents to do go things. I don't want her to ever waste them on things of the world. I hope she knows that everything good comes from God, and to use them to please Him.


I pray that she is a good driver. I hope she always looks where she is going and never speeds. I hope she doesn't mess with the radio while talking on a cell phone and driving at the same time.


I pray that she doesn't get her heart broken too many times. I know its bound to happen, because if she is anything like me, she'll love people fully. I hope guys never take adavantage of her, or treat her like anything less than a princess. Because thats what she is...a princess.


I hope she does well in school. I hope she has fun while keeping her grades up. I hope she asks for help when she needs it. I pray that she focuses and cares about her future.


I pray that she doesn't give in to peer pressure. I hope she knows that real friends wouldn't want her to do something she didn't want to. I hope she knows that the choices she makes today affect her tomorrow. I hope she is wise and makes good decisions.


I pray that she succeeds in life. I hope she is happy in life. I hope she used all of the good in her to the best of her abilities. I hope she wakes up every morning, glad to be alive.


I pray that she meets a man one day that shows her real love. I pray that he treats her with kindness and respect. I hope they learn from each other. I hope they grow together. I pray that through hard times they stick together.


I pray that she becomes a mother, so that she can understand what real love is. I pray that she takes time to play with them, and not worry about other things in life. I hope they have movie nights, I hope they share ice cream and take walks together. I pray she tucks them in and reads them stories and makes them feel better when they are sick.

I pray that I am always with her to experience her grow. I pray that she always know that the moment she came into my life, I changed. I want her to know that without her, I am nothing. I hope she knows that when I look in her eyes, and see her smiling at me, God is giving me a little piece of what heaven is really like. I want her to know that I was born to be her mother and on the days when I get so frustrated or dissapointed in her, that it is only because she holds my heart in her hands. I want her to know that nothing she could ever do could make me stop loving her for the simple fact that I am her mother. She is my daughter.


I pray that she doesn't have a million regrets in life. I know that she will make mistakes, but when she does, I hope she picks herself up, dusts herself off, and keeps going. I hope she is proud of herself, like I am.


I pray that she laughs, I pray that she loves. I pray that she lives.